Part one of a research paper I wrote in 2009...

Introduction and Assessing my bias:

The modern/rationalist paradigm would lead us to believe that science is objective, however, I tend to side with the post-modernists on this one. Postmodernists insist a scientist cannot be objective because even the subject matter that a scientist chooses to study is inspired by his or her own interests and experiences, and is therefore subjective (dependant origination, or dependant co-arising in Buddhist terms). Thus, I will take a minute to expose and explore my own bias and to disclose why I have chosen to look into yoga and mindfulness as a means to help alleviate the symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

I hesitate to make the following disclosure because, “To Speak publicly about one’s knowledge of atrocities is to invite the stigma that attaches to victims” (Herman, 2).

However, “Remembering and telling the truth about terrible events are prerequisites both for the restoration of the social order and for the healing of individual victims” (Herman,1). Therefore, I choose to take the chance, make myself vulnerable, and disclose my experience.

I am a survivor of multiple traumas. Growing up in an abusive home lead me to become involved with abusive men, as abusive behavior was normalized in my family of origin. I am also a survivor of various forms of trauma and abuse, from domestic violence to sexual assault.

These experiences led me to seek out various modalities in order to heal from the trauma. In my quest for healing I noticed, while involved in a support group for survivors, that I had survived my plight relatively intact and with relatively few symptoms when one considered the severity of abuse I had experienced at the hands of a variety of perpetrators.

At the time I was becoming aware of this (~2002) I attended a conference on post-traumatic stress, sponsored by WINGS, a non-profit that offers support systems for survivors of childhood sexual assault. A presentation on the mind body therapy, and movement therapy in general, as a form of healing resulted in an ‘ah-ha’ moment for me. I realized that ballet, which I had begun to study at the age of four, had helped me move the trauma through my body and helped me to create a variety of neural pathways, rather than just a few rigid pathways.

Neurologist Robert Scaer discusses the mind-body connection, stating:

Hindering the study of the human brain in response to trauma is medical science’s devotion to the use of the Cartesian model of mind/body separation. I present a different theoretical concept: that of the brain, mind, and body exist on a continuum, wherein sensory input from the body shapes and changes the structure and function of the brain, which concurrently shapes and alters the body in all of its parts, particularly those that provide this sensory input to the brain. This concept implies that the brain and body are intimately interrelated rather than two distinct parts of the greater whole. (11)

In addition, shortly after the conference, I  reestablished a regular yoga practice and had come to recognize that, as a child, ballet had been my yoga. In other words, I engaged in my ballet practice as yogi/nis engage in their practice.

One of the things that makes yoga a unique physical practice, in comparison to other forms of exercise, is the focus on breath and the mindfulness aspect of the practice. In ballet I did not so much focus on the breath, but I did practice mindfulness. When I was in the dance studio I was IN THE DANCE STUDIO, my mind was not wandering. I was not worried about what the scene would be when I returned home, or agonizing over my treatment that day at school. I was in my body, in the moment. Of course Zen Buddhism recognizes that any activity can be practiced mindfully, but with yoga mindfulness is (or should be) implicit. Ballet was my yoga and my mindfulness.

Another turning point in my life was in high school (1984?! Where does the time go!) when my English teacher introduced me to the transcendentalist writers. I was smitten. This led me to research Buddhism, which led me to meditation.

One of the main symptoms of post-traumatic stress that I had struggled with was insomnia. I would sit in bed at night and ruminate over the day, or month, or year- reliving trauma in my head, beating myself up over small mistakes I had made (internalized voice of the abuser), fantasizing about how to escape, etc. Discovering and practicing mindfulness meditation helped me to be in the moment and offered me a valuable tool in dealing with my insomnia.

Thus, my own personal experiences have led me to this moment, and to a passion for doing research on the use of yoga, mindfulness and meditation for recovery from post-traumatic stress and putting that research into action by working with other survivors.

One final bias I should discuss. The accepted terminology is ‘Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder’. I reject the assertion that post-traumatic stress is a disorder. It is a highly predictable reaction, of all sentient beings, not just humans, whom have been exposed to traumatic events. To call post-traumatic stress a disorder is to pathologize the victim, which is already all too common a reaction by those privileged enough to have not been exposed to trauma.

It is the trauma (the use of violence to control and inflict one’s will upon another) and the perpetrators of the trauma (rapists, pedophiles, batterers, misguided and manipulated politicians, and the like) that should be pathologized, not the victim/survivor. As Judith Herman, MD points out,

“To hold traumatic reality in consciousness requires a social context that affirms and protects that victim and that joins the victim and witness in a common alliance.” (9)

When we pathologize the victim we are not protecting or affirming the victim and their experiences, but simply perpetrating more violence and trauma upon him or her. Therefore, out of respect for survivors, I will use the terminology ‘post-traumatic stress’ even when quoting sources that tack the commonly accepted ‘disorder’ onto the end.

Page two....

Bibliography:

Scaer, Robert (2005). The Trauma Spectrum: Hidden Wounds and Human Resiliency. WW Norton, NY, NY.

Herman, Judith M.D. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence- from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books. NY, NY.